Okay, not a big backstreet boys fan but I couldn't resist using that line as my title. See, this whole I-believe-in-God-but-I-don't thing is getting a whole lot more complicated than I thought it would be. It's like, been a part of me my ENTIRE life, and then suddenly this tiny doubt pops into my head and wrecks everything. Like you're building a grand castle out of a deck of cards and a tiny gust of wind is all it takes for all those cards to topple down into a messy heap. No, you are not back to square one. It's more like square zero, cause you have to retrive all the cards, check that none are missing, stack them up neatly AND THEN try building your castle all over again.
Everytime I had a problem, I'd just be like, God, what did I do wrong? Can you help me fix it? And now everytime I have a problem (funny, after the whole I don't really believe in God thing the problems just keep coming and refuse to go away) I'll feel like talking to God, but a voice in my head goes "what God?"
OOOH!!! SITUATIONAL IRONY! or whatever you call it. I'm listening to Robbie williams' FEEL and he's singing "I sit and talk to God, and He just laughs at my plans" Haiz....
I feel so EMPTY! It's like losing part of myself...more than that...ARGH! I don't know how to describe and I shall stop trying to before I tear up.
SITUATIONAL IRONY AGAIN! or is it another type of irony? Nevermind. Robbie williams is going "there's a hole in my soul, you can see it in my face, it's a real big place" There you go. It's something like that. Maybe. whatever.
lifeonthemurderscene7:11 PM