I tried studing chem today. It obviously didn't work cause I'm here blogging. I was just staring at the paper and all I could think about was BAND. Have you ever wondered, how different things would have been, would still be, if we had gotten that GOLD? It's heartbreaking.

So unlike the kind of underdog-ish stuff you see on tv. You know, like this loser (insert sport of choice) team gets thrashed by all the better teams then they a)finally decide to do better or b)get a good coach. Then they overcome all these obstacles and train hard and improve. They start defeated all the other teams and on the final match they're like, tied with the other team. Then at the last few seconds (OOOH. I'M LISTENING TO MY SOLO NOW. SO NICE! SO NICE! I can't get over it. SO NICE!!!) Um .. yah like I was SAYING, the camera will focus on the clock counting down the last few seconds, and everything will go slow-mo, and the hero will shoot the ball into the net and the underdogs win. Oh goody. Then they'll collect their well deserved GOLD trophy and hold it in the air and there'll be confetti all over the place and people will be crying TEARS OF JOY. Then the movie ends, the credits roll and everybody's happy.

Back to reality. (damn you my solo is nice. I love it. Mummy said it was nice too :D FOR ONCE!!!! *que the taylor hicks song " do I make you proud"*) Okay. Stop digressing. In real life, sometimes no matter how hard you work, no matter how much determination you have, you still don't get what you want. And what we wanted was that coveted GOLD. It was just so unreal when he announced SILVER. So terribly, devastatingly unbelievable. We're much better off than the teams who moved from silver to C.O.P and stuff, but man, it hurts.

Never would have though I'd be so into this whole BAND thing, but 4 years, 6 practices a week and 2 solos can change alot. I honestly owe ALOT to Mr Ong and ms sia. We all do. They refused to let anyone else play the solo even though I tried to get out of it at LEAST 3 times. If they didn't think I could do what I did two days ago, they would have let someone else play my precious Mikey. I know if sir had stayed I'd still be in third clar, and Hui min would have gotten those solos. And it wasn't ME who sounded nice in the recording. It was Mikey and Me. OOH. That sounds so nice. Terribly romantic. Damn it mikey I miss you like crazy. My PRT E 556123 Buffet Crampon RC Prestige E Flat Clarinet. Or just, mikey for short.

MCR's Teenagers song is playing in my head. "They're gonna rip up your heads, YOUR ASPIRATIONS TO SHREDS, ANOTHER COG IN THE MURDER MACHINE" Don't want to talk to anyone but bandmembers cause only they would understand what it feels like to have your dreams RIPPED INTO A MILLION LITTLE PIECES.

Labels: Here lies CSB's dreams of getting a GOLD in SYF '07

lifeonthemurderscene7:25 PM

Oh well. We did what we did and we did what we did well.(damn, I like that sentence. ALLITERATIONISM). I'm not going to let a bunch of cranky, stingy old men spoil my mood. Like what more could you expect from a group of 14-16 year olds?!?! Band might be a 24-7 thing for them but for us SCHOOL is a priority, band is a CO-CURRICULAR activity. If you were expecting proffesionals like yourselves out there, I'm sorry you didn't get it. Okay, I'm not one bit sorry. If it's one thing I learned from MCR, it's that we can only do our best, and leave the rest of the world to decide what they think of it. I'm sure our audience enjoyed it. I did.

I know I cried after our performance cause I wasn't satisfied with my solo but, whatever. Maybe I set too high an expectation for myself. I knew that no matter how many times I had screwed up my solo before, this was my ONE LAST SHOT, the shot that MATTERED, to prove myself to everyone else, and more importantly, to myself. So I was expecting it to be PERFECT. Obviously, it was not. I guess, I was being a little too unrealistic. Shang Yu was right. I had set myself too high an expectation, and OBVIOUSLY, I failed to meet it. But oymygosh, MY SECTION. I honestly love them more than anything.(besides my e flat. MIKEY. LUVYA) They were all like comforting me and assuring me that I played fine. And I guess it wasn't all that bad after all.

But there is one thing I did that I'm VERY VERY proud of. Or rather, one thing I didn't do. I didn't shake. I honestly cannot believe it. I didn't feel a single inkling of fear when I walked onto that stage. My throat didn't run dry, I looked straight at ms sia, and I played with confidence. The old me, the nervous wreck, would NEVER have managed that. This is why I've become so attached to my e lfat, mikey. He was with me through thick and thin, for better or worse...and all that crap. Heheeee! In love with a CLARINET. I shared some of the most important moments of my life with him :D He was a pART OF ME!! He watched me change from a nervous wreck who shook like anything even during band pracs, to the confident "debonair" who played with confidence during the most important competition. I am so, soooo, reluctant to give him off to someone else now. You have NO IDEA how much it hurts.
lifeonthemurderscene8:16 PM

Thursday was HORRIBLE. I came for band right after a maths remedial and they were at the sunrise part where there was the flute solo thingy right, so I tried playing my 3rd clar solo straight away witout warming up. But my b flat was so freaking screwed up that I couldn't play a single note properly, so ms sia gave the goddamn part to one of the sec threes. Ouch. The worst part? They sound better than me. WAY better than me. I mean, I have absolutely nothing against the sec three third clars. I love em all. LOADS. But its cause their sec threes. And I'm sec four. People expect me to be better. I expect me to be better. It's just that all this while I thought I could be equally good at TWO instruments at the same time. Now I've gotten so used to playing the e flat that everytime i play the b flat it's like I'm wading chest deep through mud. Grrr. I find myself literally shaking from the attempt to hold notes for longer than 4 counts. It's pathetic really. Thursday was a rude awakening. A bloody punch in the face. I guess my mum was actually right about my trying to play so many instruments. "Jack of all trades, master of none"

Friday, on the other hand, was great fun. Whoots. We went to the SCH to practise. After we performed, Cat and I went out, bought m&ms and sneaked it into the concert hall. We were like barely halfway through the pack before we went bloody high. We were like, bitching about fat nurses, gay conductors, spastic birds, etc. You get the point. At one point paulina turned around and asked us if we were high on sugar. o.0 how the hell did she find out?! Probably smelled the chocolate. Then Cat asked me why I liked Sanjaya from american idol and I went "He's very sweet!!" gosh. Gillian turned around and gave me a look. That must have sounded wrong. Then cat smsed sherilyn ng and her were talking about dragging me into an ice-skating rink for a section outing. WTH?!?!

I listened to songs from MCR's first album yesterday. My head refused to stop throbbing till an hour later.
lifeonthemurderscene6:13 PM